Benny The Bouncer lyrics

Benny was the bouncer at the Palais de Dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance.
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest-
Until he met with Savage Sid.

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of Guinness over Benny's boots
Benny looked at Sidney:
Sidney stared right back in his eye.
Sidney chose a switchblade
and Benny got a cold meat pie.
Oh! what a terrible sight,
Much to the people's delight.
One hell of a fight.

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it .... in Benny's head.
The people gasped as he bled:
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the Palais in bits.
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit.
But some of him was missing
and ";part of him"; arrived too late,
So now he works for Jesus
As the bouncer at St. Peter's Gate.